I had a conversation recently — or, rather, a partial conversation; we got interrupted and have plans to reconnect — about work, family, etc., and what that ought to look like for Catholics in the 2020s. My interlocutor was a husband and father (not
Three comments, not exactly in reply to your points but on the topic:
1) Let alone women, I wonder how much further men are working from home today than they used to? While this is completely anecdotal, an older man I once ended up talking to for a while mentioned that when he was younger - so '50s? '60s? '70s? - sure, everybody worked at the factory, but they lived close by, close enough that most went home for lunch. I have no idea how unique that neighborhood or employer was, but I'm a bit boggled imagining it today at all.
2) When I was in Korea, the haircut shop I mostly went to was run by a woman whose family lived "over the shop" - her kids would get home from school sometimes when I was there and go through the shop to the back stair. A bit harder to run a business like that in an American suburb than an Asian city, but still. It seems to me anybody concerned for healthy families should be in favor of the industrial wheel having come all the way around again and starting to enable work - admittedly quite different work - from home again. I get employers worried about losing control but on the social side of things I don't understand why anybody would oppose it in general, although of course certain jobs might have security concerns or whatever. It's bizarre to me that in general conservatives seem more likely than anybody else to want the jobs back in the office.
3) There's something very odd about a woman with young children teaching in a school, as it means she's handing off her own children to somebody else in order to teach somebody else's children. As a teacher myself I've obviously had a lot of coworkers in my position, and while as a single guy I'm hardly in a position to offer advice or criticize the necessity or choice, I'm always a bit surprised there's not more resentment of the situation than there is. One thing I've been mulling over is what it would take to make children more acceptably in "employment spaces" - especially when we're talking about something like a 4th-grade classroom, is having a 3-year old around really going to disrupt anything?
Hi Mary! What a wonderful topic! One that I continue to struggle with day to day and continue to pray for balance. I wish work would not take women away from their homes. I wish the professional world would be tolerant of children and their needs above the professional gains. I wish more women would talk about this and share ways in which they make the work life integration work for different stages of life. I wish I was not as harsh on myself when things don't go perfectly.
I have been blessed to work remotely and have work that allows for interruptions unless I'm in a meeting or seeing patients. I have two home offices, a quiet one where I take work meetings and complete focused work; and a loud one where I spent the majority of my work day and the kids have full access to momma when they need me. A nanny comes to watch over the kids but I am fairly involved in the care of the kids. I like this set up but I tend to get distracted with child care (breastfeeding, diapering, tantrums, etc) and housework (dishes in the sink, dirty bathrooms, laundry, general organization, etc) which then means I end up finishing my non-urgent work when everyone is sleeping (not recommended!).
Dave and I try to divide and conquer as much as we are able. I don't like to delegate but I find that is the only way to get things done without taking away from family time. I am realizing that the kids prefer my presence now more than anyone else's so I need to prioritize that. Our nanny now takes care of the meals during the weekdays and makes a double batch at lunch so we don't have to make dinner. I've sought out help to clean the house when I can't keep up with it and we have a lawn mow service. I also started ordering food for pick up and try to bundle errands so I can be efficient with my time. I am always looking for ways to optimize our time in order to have more free time to spend as a family but that is not always possible.
Looking forward to hear thoughts from others and what is working or not working!
1. We've organized our household tasks differently at different times, depending on the age of our family. At first, we both worked. When kids came, I stayed home with them and did the domestic chores. This was my "job," the way I contributed to the household. I was also in charge of the money - mostly. My husband did a good job earning it, and I tried to do a good job managing it. (This worked so well that we have been able to retire.) Mostly we shared chores along "traditional" lines, pretty much in keeping with our personal inclinations. I tended to be pretty rigid about this, and I was often judgmental of other women who worked outside the home. When the kids got older, I went back to school to become a teacher. I was surprised to learn that traditional roles were not the only way to run a household successfully. We still tended to divide chores as before, but were much more flexible, including our competent kids in the chores as their age allowed. This worked well. As retirees, we divide domestic chores according to what we like. I cook; he washes dishes. He vacuums and dusts; I do mop and clean the bathrooms. I still do most of the finances and the gardening; he does most of the yardwork. We like it this way.
2. I still feel like my daily tasks are myriad and unrelated. However, they all serve the same purpose: to further the Kingdom of God in some way. It may mean paying the bills, grocery shopping, texting a friend, reading Scripture, cooking, taking a meal to a new mom, visiting a kid, mending a hole, doing laundry, taking a walk. Making a list helps me keep them straight and helps me get them done. I do okay with a long list of unrelated tasks as long as I can see the connection to the big picture - running an orderly household and furthering the Kingdom of God. When I was younger, interruptions bothered me, especially when I was busy with a project and kids woke up from their naps earlier than I'd expected. I eventually came to expect interruptions as part of God's plan for me. However, I think I'm also wired this way. My husband is not. Some people (and I wonder if most moms are this way) find it easier to live like this, and other people need to be able to focus on one thing and complete it before going on to the next task.
3. For me, seeing how my tasks are related to the call God has on my life helps me to see each task as part of an integrated whole. God has given me many roles to play, a specific personality with strengths and weaknesses, life experiences, and companions. He's put me in a specific place and time. He wants me to do specific things according to the call on my life. I'm just the person to do these things, uniquely gifted and appointed. Mary told the servants at Cana, "Do whatever He tells you." When I do this, I can see how everything in my life fits together into an integrated whole.
Three comments, not exactly in reply to your points but on the topic:
1) Let alone women, I wonder how much further men are working from home today than they used to? While this is completely anecdotal, an older man I once ended up talking to for a while mentioned that when he was younger - so '50s? '60s? '70s? - sure, everybody worked at the factory, but they lived close by, close enough that most went home for lunch. I have no idea how unique that neighborhood or employer was, but I'm a bit boggled imagining it today at all.
2) When I was in Korea, the haircut shop I mostly went to was run by a woman whose family lived "over the shop" - her kids would get home from school sometimes when I was there and go through the shop to the back stair. A bit harder to run a business like that in an American suburb than an Asian city, but still. It seems to me anybody concerned for healthy families should be in favor of the industrial wheel having come all the way around again and starting to enable work - admittedly quite different work - from home again. I get employers worried about losing control but on the social side of things I don't understand why anybody would oppose it in general, although of course certain jobs might have security concerns or whatever. It's bizarre to me that in general conservatives seem more likely than anybody else to want the jobs back in the office.
3) There's something very odd about a woman with young children teaching in a school, as it means she's handing off her own children to somebody else in order to teach somebody else's children. As a teacher myself I've obviously had a lot of coworkers in my position, and while as a single guy I'm hardly in a position to offer advice or criticize the necessity or choice, I'm always a bit surprised there's not more resentment of the situation than there is. One thing I've been mulling over is what it would take to make children more acceptably in "employment spaces" - especially when we're talking about something like a 4th-grade classroom, is having a 3-year old around really going to disrupt anything?
Hi Mary! What a wonderful topic! One that I continue to struggle with day to day and continue to pray for balance. I wish work would not take women away from their homes. I wish the professional world would be tolerant of children and their needs above the professional gains. I wish more women would talk about this and share ways in which they make the work life integration work for different stages of life. I wish I was not as harsh on myself when things don't go perfectly.
I have been blessed to work remotely and have work that allows for interruptions unless I'm in a meeting or seeing patients. I have two home offices, a quiet one where I take work meetings and complete focused work; and a loud one where I spent the majority of my work day and the kids have full access to momma when they need me. A nanny comes to watch over the kids but I am fairly involved in the care of the kids. I like this set up but I tend to get distracted with child care (breastfeeding, diapering, tantrums, etc) and housework (dishes in the sink, dirty bathrooms, laundry, general organization, etc) which then means I end up finishing my non-urgent work when everyone is sleeping (not recommended!).
Dave and I try to divide and conquer as much as we are able. I don't like to delegate but I find that is the only way to get things done without taking away from family time. I am realizing that the kids prefer my presence now more than anyone else's so I need to prioritize that. Our nanny now takes care of the meals during the weekdays and makes a double batch at lunch so we don't have to make dinner. I've sought out help to clean the house when I can't keep up with it and we have a lawn mow service. I also started ordering food for pick up and try to bundle errands so I can be efficient with my time. I am always looking for ways to optimize our time in order to have more free time to spend as a family but that is not always possible.
Looking forward to hear thoughts from others and what is working or not working!
1. We've organized our household tasks differently at different times, depending on the age of our family. At first, we both worked. When kids came, I stayed home with them and did the domestic chores. This was my "job," the way I contributed to the household. I was also in charge of the money - mostly. My husband did a good job earning it, and I tried to do a good job managing it. (This worked so well that we have been able to retire.) Mostly we shared chores along "traditional" lines, pretty much in keeping with our personal inclinations. I tended to be pretty rigid about this, and I was often judgmental of other women who worked outside the home. When the kids got older, I went back to school to become a teacher. I was surprised to learn that traditional roles were not the only way to run a household successfully. We still tended to divide chores as before, but were much more flexible, including our competent kids in the chores as their age allowed. This worked well. As retirees, we divide domestic chores according to what we like. I cook; he washes dishes. He vacuums and dusts; I do mop and clean the bathrooms. I still do most of the finances and the gardening; he does most of the yardwork. We like it this way.
2. I still feel like my daily tasks are myriad and unrelated. However, they all serve the same purpose: to further the Kingdom of God in some way. It may mean paying the bills, grocery shopping, texting a friend, reading Scripture, cooking, taking a meal to a new mom, visiting a kid, mending a hole, doing laundry, taking a walk. Making a list helps me keep them straight and helps me get them done. I do okay with a long list of unrelated tasks as long as I can see the connection to the big picture - running an orderly household and furthering the Kingdom of God. When I was younger, interruptions bothered me, especially when I was busy with a project and kids woke up from their naps earlier than I'd expected. I eventually came to expect interruptions as part of God's plan for me. However, I think I'm also wired this way. My husband is not. Some people (and I wonder if most moms are this way) find it easier to live like this, and other people need to be able to focus on one thing and complete it before going on to the next task.
3. For me, seeing how my tasks are related to the call God has on my life helps me to see each task as part of an integrated whole. God has given me many roles to play, a specific personality with strengths and weaknesses, life experiences, and companions. He's put me in a specific place and time. He wants me to do specific things according to the call on my life. I'm just the person to do these things, uniquely gifted and appointed. Mary told the servants at Cana, "Do whatever He tells you." When I do this, I can see how everything in my life fits together into an integrated whole.